Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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