Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
