You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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