What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
