dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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