Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
