Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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