Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
two words...techno handjob
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
