once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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