I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
