I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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