I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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