woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize