He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
