I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
