he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
