I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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