I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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