Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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