Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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