I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
