Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
