Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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