R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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