You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
