Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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