I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was like eating out sand paper
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
