I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
