can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
