hotel room ftw
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
