your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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