i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
