dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
