then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
