Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
