my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
