I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
