im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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