Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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