Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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