four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So vagazzling was a success
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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