Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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