in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
