She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My dick has a subreddit
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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