Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
