why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
