playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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