Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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