Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
