I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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