Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
