If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dicks are not precious.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
