i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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