Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
