So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We are all done wearing pants today
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
