I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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