don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sober January is a disaster.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
