i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize