Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
