based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
