You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
