They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
