I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
