I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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