it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize